Saturday, July 21, 2012

Down The Rabbit Hole

Being online (constantly) does three things. First, it gives you superpowers. Second, and in a most ironic fashion, it cuts you off from the rest of humanity. Third, and the thrust of this post, it destroys all sense of normalcy. Once upon a time, if you wanted to see something new you had to go out into the world and look for it. This did two things. It forced interaction with the world and the people who inhabit it, and it ultimately gave you what you were looking for... something new. But you had to go looking for something relatively specific, drawn from your own desires and urges. With the Internet, we have access to so many things which are new to us, that it becomes less about what we WANT to find and more about the finding. Time and time again I've fallen down what I like to call "Rabbit Holes." Vortexes of YouTube videos about: pole dancing, soccer chants, comedians, funny animations, action movie fight scenes, collections of quotes both funny and inspirational, Comic Con panels, driving, and the antics of cute animals. But more insidious than all of this is the vortex of porn!

Now, let's be clear. My personal taste in porn is not unlike a pendulum. It swings periodically between big natural tits, Asians, M.I.L.F.s, redheads, P.O.V. and BDSM (among others). I have particular porn stars that I enjoy, and from time to time I come across a new starlet to add to my regular rotation! None of this is, to my mind, unusual. Variety is, after all, the spice of life! But, sometimes... because I've seen just about all there is to see in these well traveled realms... I get the urge to see something kinda fucked up. Bukkake, amputees, midget gang bangs, "insertions" (as in "I didn't think you could fit that in there") and the various and sundry grossness which spawned videos like "2 girls 1 cup". The problem is, with your Internet given super powers, it's all there to be found. Whether you want to see a moderately attractive woman telling you that your penis is small and worthless OR faux (please, for the love of all that is good and holy let it be fake) incest/rape OR you just want to see your favorite childhood cartoon characters in sweaty (and often bestiality centered) orgies... the Internet has provided a niche website dedicated to exactly what you want to see. Sometimes you just want to see the flotsam and jetsam usually deemed unworthy to be consumed. The unseen flood of human detritus that washes up on sites like 

I'm not saying I'm proud of these urges. In fact, I'd rather I didn't have them. I know full well that no matter how much I may want to see some fresh off the turnip truck/ wannabe/ porn "star" gag on jizz just so I can toss my rocks off, I don't actually want to see it in reality. In fact, just because I want to see it now doesn't mean I'll want to see it in ten minutes from now. Sometimes it's just that it's there. It's very much like how I've seen so many crappy movies just because they were in the $5 bin at Wal-Mart. 

You might be thinking at this point that it would be a good idea to somehow limit access to this kind of stuff. But, that's not exactly the right idea. The information should be available and accessible. There should be multiple means of scratching that itch, satisfying each and every quirky/kinky desire. What I need (and what I argue most of us need) is some fucking self control. This is just like the argument about the Internet fostering shorter attention spans. It's on us to focus ourselves. As long as you choose to continue aimlessly surfing the information superhighway, you'll never run out of new things to find. But until you stop looking for waves, you'll never really understand what's under the surface. And how 'bout that! I managed to squeeze my corny pop-psych/ phrase of the day tidbit of wisdom (I have a quota) into the same sentence as my "unintentional" self-recrimination. But, what can I say, I enjoy following instructions.

No question. For sure, I don't want to know about your weird fetish or whatever. Suffice to say, if you've gotten off to any of the "fucked-up" shit I mentioned earlier, you're not THAT sick of a bastard!

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