Paranoia or Prudence

So, there's a few things that irk me! I've already discussed my biggest fear, and these aren't nearly on the same level but, they are things that I am fearful of. I've thought about them from time to time and I've vascillated between justifying them and ignoring them. But I'd like to put the question to you... am I just being paranoid, or am I being prudent!

Perhaps most notably, I don't like it when there are people walking behind me! Actually, I'm not altogether comfortable with having people behind me in general! That feeling of being watched...it just bothers the hell out of me! I do my very best when entering a room, to find a place where I can put my back against a wall. If I'm walking down a sidewalk or a hall, I'll stop randomly and push up against the wall, allowing those who were behind me to pass. It's worst when I'm driving! If I notice a car that makes two or more of the same turns as I do behind me, I get genuinely nervous! "WHY ARE THEY FOLLOWING ME!?" Even when I'm walking with my friends though, I find myself moving off to the side or filtering towards the back of the group. I've accepted that there are certain situations where there are just going to be people behind me! It's not like I go to any great lengths to avoid being in crowds or anything! Although I do recall deciding very specifically to move along the edge of them on more than one occassion. And I did fine in marching band where there was usually a hell of a lot of stuff going on behind me.


That particular..."quirk" may stem from a bully in the 6th grade who came up behind me on the way back from lunch and pushed my head into a wall....Or it may just be any number of movies I've seen where some unsuspecting shmuck gets attacked from behind...not unlike myself in the 6th grade... But I digress! I like being able to see the people around me. That way, I know the group of white guys walking through the Horseshoe at midnight aren't gonna try to lynch me, or that random shifty guy isn't going to stab me in the kidneys or that moderately cute indie chick isn't going to pick my pocket or that I'm not being targeted for a home invasion robbery by a gang of Russian mobsters. (I'm not usually that specific when it happens, but I admit that it wasn't difficult to come up with those examples) But what do you think? Paranoid or Prudent?


I also experience this "back burner" kind of fear that I've forgotten something important. Here's one example. At this job I have, we're not supposed to use the computer for "personal" business.  Check company email, work related program use and maybe news and weather if the t.v., which also happens to be only for news and weather, isn't enough! But I watch t.v. (and definitely not news and weather) and check my personal email and twitter and play Flash games and watch YouTube videos all the time. So, before I leave at the end of every shift, I clear the browser cache and search history, and leave the t.v. on The Weather Channel...after turning to CNN (can't forget about that pesky "recall"/"flashback" button). The thing is... I don't always remember doing it...so I have to do it two or three times before I'm comfortable that it's been done. And even then, I'll be driving home thinking "did I remember to clear the browser history?" 

Speaking of driving! When I get somewhere, I lock the door, then pull the door handle to make sure it's locked! Then I'll take a few steps, and have to go back and pull the handle again just to make sure...again! And don't get me started on Automatic Saves in video games! Or books! I'll use a bookmark, stick the dust cover in there AND dog-ear the page! I also have clothes and shoes ready to throw on in less than a minute if I need to get out of the house...and a knife ready to grab on my desk...and any number of other things "just in case" one thing or another happens! I'm not even going to pretend to know where all that comes from! But, Paranoid or Prudent?


So, yeah! That's not really even half of it, and most of it probably comes off as paranoid right off the top! But even though I can't think of a reason for doing some of those things, there's probably a good reason to do them! I can't wholly discount two good pieces of advice that apply! 1) It's better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it!  and 2) Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean somebody's not out to get you! But those are just my thoughts!

Now it's your turn! Comment! Do you think I'm just paranoid, or am I being prudent! Maybe discuss why! Is there anything that you do that might seem a bit paranoid?

p.s.  If I ever win the lottery, you KNOW my house is going to have a panic room!

Thoughts on friendship

I've spent the last few days thinking about friendship...and sex, but that's cuz I'm a guy and I WANT IT! I WANT IT NOW! But I digress. I have been thinking about friendship lately, and I wanted to share some of my thoughts. Now, I know that my last post was about death, and I don't want to get too depressing with this whole blog thing but, it did occur to me that I didn't have any friends until a few years ago! Let me explain!

What Are You Afraid Of

Fear! Besides the need to eat and the urge to satiate our carnal lust, it is the most present remnant of our animal nature. As this blog is largely about me and my opinions I figured I'd share with you, my most modest readership, my biggest fear. As I'm fairly sure most of us have shared this fear at some point in our lives, I'd like to begin by discussing...THE DARK!


Now, I'm not afraid of the dark, and I haven't been for a long time, but it's a starting point that I think we can all relate to. So, think back to when you were afraid of the dark (or just imagine for you select few weirdos). Remember that it wasn't actually the dark you were afraid of? You were scared of the things that were hiding in the dark. The monster under your bed (sure it was just dirty socks), the shapeless beast in your closet (also known as your winter coat). And woe be unto you if you had a tree outside your window during the winter. Street lights or other ambient light casting eerie shadows through your window that looked like the hands of a wicked witch reaching out to grab you. This fear of the dark, or rather the fear of what lurks in the dark is the one enduring similarity we have with our Paleolithic ancestors. And because our "fight or flight" response is so strange (it does the same thing whether you want to fight or flee) it is also the greatest motivating force of humanity... what is beyond what we see?

The Problem of Keeping a Schedule

I just realized that I was in danger of not posting to my blog for the entire month of September! (Insert Shocked Gasp Here). So, I've decided to fix that! It occurs to me that the lifeblood of web based content generators, be they bloggers or youtubers or Verified Accounts on Twitter, is consistency! You saw a great video or read a great blog post (aw shucks fellas, that's awful nice of ya but you... you... you weren't thinking that about me at all...were you? *sadface*) and you say to yourself, "Hey! That was great, I'd like to view/read more of that!" And the people who make a job out of doing stuff like this will give you more and, they'll give it to you regularly (giggity). The fellas over at Epic Meal Time and most of your favorite youtubers, keep cranking out new videos every week without fail! Because that's what you expect of them! Political and TV/Movie bloggers post almost every day of the week! So why is my schedule so non-schedule-esque? 

I Have Wept

I have wept

For how small we really are

How far we have come and how far we have gone

I have wept

For all we have done To one another

And for all we have done For one another

I have wept

For what we will achieve

For what we may not get the chance to attempt

I have wept

For the arrogant and the humble

For freedom and oppression

I have wept

For how little we know

And for how much we want to discover

I have wept

For the hardships overcome and the tradgedies too

Tears of Joy and Sorrow

I have wept for humanity

BE PREPARED 2: Rise of the Machines

When the first nuclear bomb was detonated, Robert Oppenheimer quoted the Bhagavad Gita saying, "I am become death, the destroyer of worlds!" Unless you're Hindu, that's probably the only part of the text you've ever heard. In our time, this is what we learn about one of the fathers of The Nuclear Age. But lost in the shuffle of history to most of us is the quote of Oppenheimer's colleague Kenneth Bainbridge who, upon seeing the awesome and terrible power of what he had helped create, turned to Oppenheimer and said, "Now we are all sons of bitches." Gotta love that quote! Today, computing power doubles ever 18 months... it's the law! "Moore's Law" to be more specific! Circuits and chips get smaller and faster and cheaper... In my life time we went from the floppy diskette (you know, the big black ones that were really floppy) that you needed three of just to play Oregon Trail to external hard drives that you can slip in your pocket and have more space... about 80KB to 1TB in your pocket... look how far we've come! And it's not going to stop! You've maybe heard about "The Singularity"!? The basic idea being that one day, we'll build a computer so fast, and so good that it will be able to design, without the assistance or guidance of a human mind, a better and faster version of itself... the rise of artificial intelligence. The point at which humanity ceases to be of practical importance! And somewhere out there...probably alive today, is the son of a bitch who's going to build/program it! He might just be some little kid, building his first science fair volcano or powering a light bulb with a potato or learning his times tables... but that little son of a bitch will be the end of us all! (Just as a side note...can you tell I've been watching/reading a lot of Terminator franchise oriented material lately?)

The Price of Poon

I have admitted before, and I will do so again here, that I occasionally cruise craigslist looking to get laid! What I've learned from this exercise in futility is that I'm not successful enough, in shape enough, white enough or gay enough to get laid in South Carolina! Very disheartening, I know! But, what I've also learned is that there are a lot of hookers out there! Out of a sense of curiosity I responded to one of those ads and inquired as to the price. ... Fine, I was, at the time, considering paying for it! But I suppose that's what this is all about...the price! Now, one might assume that it was more money than I had (quite possible, I do live check to check), or that it was more money than I was willing to pay (not every prostitute can be Belle de Jour or Julia Roberts) and it doesn't seem worth it to pay a girl to have sex if you don't want to have sex with her. But that wasn't the case! Rather, the price seemed too low! (I KNOW! How is such a thing even possible) Which got me thinking...what is a good price to pay?